12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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