I just made out with a guy for $7.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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