I wish I could punch you in the face.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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