He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
