That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
