WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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