we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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