someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
