remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
