i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
