If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
