so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
