sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
