Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
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i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
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If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize