the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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