i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
