dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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