Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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