New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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