I faked an abortion last night.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
