i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
