I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
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She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
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Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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