I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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