I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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