hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
