Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
