Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
