It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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