Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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