Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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