I will die if light touches me.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
