I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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