i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
