Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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