I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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