so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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