official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's rum buckets o'clock
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
