Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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