i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
tell me about the fingering
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
