You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize