Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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