We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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