I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
