I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize