Someone shit on the floor
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
