her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
