You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
