Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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