I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
