either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
