If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
