you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
