this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
