operation harelip BJ is a go
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
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She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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