I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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