When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
