he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
