I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
