First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
how drunk are you?
Several
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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